Love and Loyalty
by Amaya86
Summary: You say that you love me, but if you really love me you have to love everything about me. The good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, do you think you can do that?


Ah yes... another little one shot from the Naruto universe. Tanks to strangeindividual and HellzButtafly for checking this. Obviously I don't need to tell you that Naruto does not belong to me... but if he did... :D

I guess I just have to remind you that the rating is M for a reason. Nothing too graphic but yeah...

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><p><span>Love &amp; Loyalty<span>

"I've missed you," you murmur against my lips as you pull me closer. By now the sound of your voice is so familiar to me, it makes me shudder and I so badly want to just melt into your embrace. I want nothing more than to focus only on your hand toying with the soft hair at the nape of my neck, to concentrate only on the tingling of my skin as the thumb of your other hand rubs small circles on my hipbone. It should be that simple right?

_You wonder why I've been avoiding you, if you maybe did or said something wrong… if only it was something as trivial as that. I've been avoiding you because I can't stand the way you look at me, like you want to crawl inside my skin. I don't understand how you can like someone like me. You know what I am, what I've done… I guess I should be happy that my training, all the long hours spent preparing for this mission finally paid off. _

_I remember the look on your face the first time I told you what I do on those missions Danzo keeps sending me on. Looking back, that was probably my first big mistake. I let you inside my head and told you things that you were never supposed to hear. But wrapped in your arms, your warm body pressed to mine, naked under the covers, I felt safe for the first time in years. You pretended that everything was fine, that it didn't freak you out that I had the blood of hundreds on my hands and conscience, but I heard you throwing up later that night when you thought I was asleep. On some sick perverse level I found it amusing. You, one of Konoha's most powerful ninja, the Jinchūriki of the kyuubi got physically ill at the mere thought of what I did on a regular basis. Later when you crawled back under the covers your body was freezing, but you held me close and whispered that it didn't matter, that you still loved me. _

"Stop it!" you whisper as we pull apart to catch our breaths, like you already know what's going on in my head, like you can read my mind and see the thoughts that are preventing me from giving in completely. I give you a small smile, a fake one and you frown, blonde eyebrows pulling together over eyes as blue as the ocean, blue enough to drown in... Oh how I wish I could just drown in your eyes, in you. The serious expression doesn't look right on you so I kiss you again.

"_Befriend the Jinchūriki." Danzo had ordered at the start of my mission. That was before I joined your unit and got to know you, back when I thought that this would just be just another straightforward assignment. I had been kneeling in front of him as required of a member of Root when meeting with a superior. "Get close to him and gain his trust." He had said as he stroked my hair, the gesture making a mockery of fatherly tenderness. It made me sick to my stomach to have him touch me, but my whole life had been dedicated to obeying this man, so that's what I did. It was hard. I've never been good with people, but eventually you and Sakura trusted me to some degree, and that was all I really needed. It was never supposed to be more than a superficial friendship, but I guess that's the problem. When you get to know someone things get out of hand. I don't know who was more surprised when I kissed you after that one mission. All three of us were bone tired… near death experiences tend to do that to a person. You kept stealing food out of my bowl as we sat at Ichiraku's ramen shop and you knew I could see what you were doing, and yet you pretended to act all sneaky about it. It was so typically you - always joking and trying to make others feel better. It was such a sweet gesture and before I knew what was happening I leaned over and I kissed you. _

You're getting frustrated with how distracted I am so you change tactics. Gone are the soft and tender touches, replaced by more forceful and aggressive gestures, like you want to push the doubts and hesitations from my mind. You'll probably succeed, you always do. Your hold tightens in my hair, tilting my head to the side and I already know what's about to happen. My body goes hot and then cold as you bite into the thick muscle in my neck. You know how much I love when you do that and I moan because it feels so good. My hands have a mind of their own now and before either of us realise what's going on we're both shirtless.

Your skin is smooth and flawless and as I trace the lines of your muscled abdomen you twitch and try not to laugh. I know you're ticklish and I can't help teasing you a little.

_I told you I was working for Danzo one night as you were getting ready to leave. Kakashi-sensei wanted you for a two-man mission the next day so you couldn't spend the night like you usually did. It was cold and raining outside, strange for that time of the year, but somehow the weather must have picked up on my mood. You stopped what you were doing and suddenly got all serious, sitting down on the bed with me. It was strange seeing you like that. Your answer was almost too casual, almost as if you had been waiting to have this discussion. I told you that getting close to you was part of my mission, that whatever was between us started out as a lie and you just sat there smiling at me, as if you knew something I didn't. _

_That was the first night you told me you loved me. You ended up staying anyway and we made love till you had to leave the next morning. Thanks to my extensive training I didn't believe a word of what you were saying. I knew that what you perceived as love was nothing more than a set of chemical reactions in your brain. I'm good, a natural they said during my training at Root. Even though I knew that I couldn't help the slight flutter in my chest as you whispered the words over and over against my skin._

My minds drifting again and you can tell. "Look at me," you say as you tilt my head so you can look into my eyes. You look worried, like you know I'm distancing myself. "Did something happen?" you ask as you try to read the answers in my eyes. I'm too good a liar and we both know it. You pull me back for another kiss and this time I don't hesitate. I allow you to undress me and lay me down. And even though I can't say it with words, I try to tell you with my body that I love you too. I think you understand because there is something different in the way you make love to me. It's slower and more intense and your eyes never leave mine. We finally climax together, you shouting my name when the intense pleasure takes over, and me clinging to you like you're the last thing tying me to this earth. Afterward you refuse to let me go, holding on as if you're afraid I might leave and never come back. You fall asleep like that and I can't help marvel at how easy it is for you to fall asleep next to a killer.

"_Does he trust you yet?" Danzo had asked me the last time I saw him. I told him that yes, you trusted me. _

I feel strangely numb as I pull out the kunai I had hidden earlier. Somehow, I thought I would feel something more at the prospect of taking the life of the brightest star in Konoha, but there is nothing. Your blood is very red against the sheets and I hold you as you take your last gasping breaths. You're still holding on to me and I'll never understand how you can love me so much. You must have known this was coming, I know I did.

"_I want you to kill the Jinchūriki." Danzo had ordered calmly, as if he was just commenting on the weather in passing. "Can you do that Sai?" He had inquired with a small smile. It was all I needed to know that he had known exactly what he was asking of me… knew exactly what killing you would do to me. _

The kunai I'm holding is slick with your blood and for the first time in years the smell makes me nauseous. Thankfully, the blade is still sharp and I watch as my blood mixes with yours. In the end there really was no question of what I would do, of whether I'd finish my mission… Danzo has my loyalty, but you have my heart, Naruto. Without you there can be no me.

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><p>What can I say... it's just tragic how people keep dying in my stories. (This is the second time I've killed off Sai.) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading this :)<p> 


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